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Kerstyn Desjardin
29 March 2016 @ 04:42 pm
If it makes you less sad,
I will die by your hand.
Hope you find out what you are --
Already know what I am.
And if it makes you less sad,
We'll start talking again.
You can tell me how vile
I already know that I am.
Kerstyn Desjardin
20 September 2015 @ 10:41 pm
Oh, but I'm not dead
They tell me I'm not dead
They say that I'm not dead
That I won't die for some time
Kerstyn Desjardin
30 January 2013 @ 03:16 pm
Screen Shot 2013-01-30 at 3.07.35 PM
Kerstyn Desjardin
29 January 2013 @ 09:56 am
Kerstyn Desjardin
22 January 2013 @ 07:07 am
Who cares about your lonely soul?
We strive toward a higher goal.
Our little lives don't count at all.
Kerstyn Desjardin
24 October 2011 @ 09:40 am
I'm starting to hate tumblr. I hate it's SUPER SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE SYNDROME, I hate the nastiness and the bullying, I hate the way nobody can stay out of anyone's business. I miss livejournal. I miss you guys. You're all so awesome and I miss you. I liked when the internet was nice.

I'm feeling pretty emo today. Yesterday I yelled at the internet and it yelled back (in a not-very-nice way), and now I'm disenchanted with the entire world. Hrrmph.

How are you?
Current Mood: grumpygrumpy
Current Music: Indescribable x Chris Tomlin
Kerstyn Desjardin
14 March 2011 @ 08:43 pm

LUKE 15:11-31, the Message.

Everyone knows the story of the prodigal son. This guy basically wished his father dead, took his money and ran off to spend it on whatever he wanted. He lived according to his own will, and then, when it was seemingly too late, realized his mistake. He ended up a pig-slopper, feeding the swine nasty food that he would have eaten himself, given the opportunity. He knew it was time to go home, but going home after running away is a scary thing.

v.18 - "I'll say to him, Father, I've sinned against God, I've sinned before you; I don't deserve to be called your son. Take me on as a hired hand."

And then, no delay, he goes home. Picture this guy walking home (cause he definitely can't afford a taxi) in dirty, disgusting clothes, repeating his apology to himself over and over to make sure he had it down. I've sinned. I'm sorry. I've sinned. I'm sorry. I've sinned. I'm sorry. He's really beating himself up.

When he gets back home (v.20), his dad runs up to meet him while he's still far off. Robes flapping, rings shining, sandals kicking up clouds of dirt, this man runs to his son. And the son starts his speech. Without possibly being able to get any more humble than he is, dressed in rags and smelling like pigs, he starts his speech.

v.22 - But the father wasn't listening.


He heard his son's words, sure, but they weren't necessary. The apology wasn't what the father was concerned with. His son had come back, and he had come back repentant. Sorry. Wanting to start over. That was enough. He knew his son's heart, and so he forgave him instantly. It wasn't time to wallow in everything the son had done wrong. It was time for a party.

God's not waiting for some fancy speech from you. He doesn't need you to clean yourself up, to fix all your mistakes, to get things right before you return to him. He just wants you to come home.

there's power in the blood of Jesus / and your Father's screaming 'JUST COME HOME' / He's reaching out His hands

Current Location: home<3
Current Mood: thankfulthankful
Current Music: Trade Mistakes x Panic! At The Disco
Kerstyn Desjardin
27 February 2011 @ 05:11 pm
 I have never wanted to quit so badly as I did today, just because my muscles are like FASDMOVIAWEMRA. As for endurance, though, I'm doing a lot better. I can get through it (level 1) without (much) screaming, panting and grunting. That's improvement.

Anyway, I really like my life. School has settled into a nice rhythm, and my classes aren't too hard. My creative writing class is doing its first full-class workshop tomorrow, and guess whose story gets to go first? This girl's. I'm a little nervous, but I'm really staring to accept the fact that, whether people do or don't like what I write, whether I get embarassed in class tomorrow or not, it's temporary. Class is going to last two hours, and the workshop on my story probably won't even last for half of that. What do I have to be afraid of? People? No way man. I really think God's starting to do a lot in my heart without me even realizing it.

He's definitely been changing who I am and what I think I need to be. For a while, it was my mindset that Andrew and I, but mostly just myself, needed to STOP everything we were doing "wrong" and START doing everything "right" so we (I) could see more of God in my life and let Him move more freely. I was really stuck on that, and it ended up in a lot of arguments and a lot of tears and a lot of me just feeling really badly about the way I was living my life. But God spoke to me really clearly about the whole subject, best wrapped up in some lyrics from I Am New by Jason Gray.

Who I thought I was
And who I thought I had to be
I had to give them both up
Cause neither were willing to ever believe

Really, that's it. My mom helped me realize it a lot, too. Change isn't going to come from me being "better," it's going to come from me stepping the heck out of the way and letting God do his thing. I don't need to remodel my life and my priorities and my everything in my own strength, but I do need to put God first and spend time in His word and in communion with Him. If I just do that, He's going to do the rest.

Quick testimony, just because it was totally a great example of everything I've been saying. On Wednesday night, I was hanging out with Andrew (watching The Muppets Wizard of Oz) and working on some homework for the next day. I got done reading the articles I had to read, but I still had a worksheet of response questions to do. I really didn't feel like it, so I got up and made Andrew lunch and got ready to go to bed. But God really just put on my heart to be responsible, to not put the work off for between classes the next day and to just get it done. I wasn't tired, I was just bored with homework and that made going to bed a better option. But I stuck it out and did my work, and really it was just such a relief to have it done (and done well, which is another thing God encouraged me in), rather than having to throw it together really quickly the next day before class. God's just really showing me how to be more responsible and how to chase after the things that are going to be most beneficial for me and for His kingdom. I still screw up a lot, do what I want to do instead of what He wants me to do. I make that wrong decision often, but God's working on my heart, and right now that's all I can ask for.

I didn't expect this to be so long! But God's had a lot on my heart lately and it's nice to get it down somewhere. (: Love you guys!
Current Location: home<3
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
Current Music: I Am New x Jason Gray
Kerstyn Desjardin
25 February 2011 @ 04:35 pm
Seriously though, I love it. It's kicking my butt like NOBODY's business, but I love it. I started Monday (2/21), skipped Tuesday, but worked out Wednesday, Thursday, and am about to work out again today. That puts me at Day 4. I'm determined to do this every day, and the only reason I gave myself Tuesday off was because I was experiencing period cramps of DEATH. I'm not sure how much weight I'll lose because building muscle doesn't really allow for that, but I mostly just want to feel better about myself. I've got a darn gut to get rid of, and I want it gone! I think this will help. I started at 132lb (or so says my bathroom scale!), so we'll see how things go from here.

I forgot to take a picture of myself the first day, but I guess taking one once I'm only four workouts in still counts as "the beginning," right? I'll post one in a bit.

ALSO, I'm sorry I've been such a sucky LJ friend, you guys. I've been sucked into the world of Tumblr. But I miss you all. ):
Current Location: home<3
Current Mood: excitedexcited
Current Music: Faithfully x Glee